"22...28...22...28..."
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
 
Holiday Lessons...
1) Just because your aunt is 4'10 doesn't mean she can't pinch you into submission.
2) Tattling as an adult doesn't get you in any less trouble than it would if you were still a child.
3) Just because your sister will get pinched for calling your aunt short doesn't mean you won't receive any praise for telling on her even if it was in defense of the blamed being flipped by said sister.
4) One glass of wine makes me calm.
5) 3 glasses of beer margarita makes my sister chase me around the house searching for pinching aunt.
6) The older siblings will always stand off against the younger siblings, and for some reason the youngin's seem to smell like roses no matter what. (almost)
7) No matter how funny it seems, telling a newly married bride that she is recieving a new washer and dryer for christmas is NOT nice if you plan on handing her a wash cloth and a towel.
8) 4 glasses of beer margaritas will have your sister yelling out bastard when she finds out that shipping on her new washer and dryer is cheaper than she expected.
9) 5 glasses of beer margaritas will have your sister writing I (heart) U on her ass and taking a pic of it on her phone to text message back to her husband in another state
10) And 6 glasses of beer margaritas will have the youngest cousin (younger sibling)... tossing her arms in the air, with her mother directly behind her, along with the pastor and his wife off to the side, Proclaiming.. " I ADMIT IT! I"M THE PRODUCT OF BREAK UP SEX!"..

Yes... by the end of the meal.. the older siblings smell of roses..and the younger ones.. Well.. I wasnt going into the bathroom with all that wretching going on to find out.

 
Wish I could say more.....
But the fact is.. The Swing I got for an early Christmas gift was never put up. Yes we had an alledgedly swinging couple in town, but nothing happened even remotely worth talking about there. Hubby thinks it's just because the group of us were intoxicated.. extremely intoxicated. But I do believe I was the worst off of the bunch, and I was more active than... well.. Nevermind. But the lesson learned here... THERE SHOULD BE NO SUCH THING AS A SWINGERS QUICKIE!!!
Ya know what? Its my blog. If I can't vent here where can I? Here is what is really truly bothering me. She was full of crap. She's young, and she wants to be liked. I think she has some idea in her head what is needed for other people to like her.. and she uses that. But the problem is.. she talks big game, but can't come through. She's got some big issues that should honestly keep her out of the swing game. She's incredibly young, and I dont just mean in physical years. For months now she's been talking about all the things she does, or is capable of doing or wants to do. We were completely respectful, non-aggressive, boundary safe people. And then all of a sudden, she's complacently.. No.. not complacent.. Placating.. "Okay, we can have a quickie swap, just the husband's swap for a quickie". Like she was doing us a favor or something by saying that we can have sex, that she will allow my husband to have sex with her. But quickly. Maybe it's just my own ego talking here cause a supposedly-self-proclaimed-and-bold-talking-bi-at-least-extremely-curious-and-slightly-experienced woman wanted nothing to do with me. Or maybe it's that I feel we were jipped, 10 minutes total with bad oral and a switch between partners in there. I mean.. seriously? Or maybe my anger comes from being duped. All that talk, and then she acts as though she is doing us a favor by laying there like a dead fish with her legs spread so my hubby can pound away, while her hubby tries to do something to me and ends up finishing without me knowing about it.
Okay... I consider myself a sexual person. Perhaps not always in quantity, but definately in quality. Even a quickie can be great if both people are into and work for it. I will admit that there are times when quickies happen that happen solely because one person wants and the other just wants peace and quiet. That happens in relationships.. RELATIONSHIPS!!! Not playtime, swingerships.
And I wish I could say the animosity it has brewed had settled as well, but in truth it has not. Hubby is a forward speaking man, no qualms about saying things loud enough for others to hear. At least.. not others that it would embarress me in front of. But last night, hubby and I were heading inside for some nice head board banging married lovin, and we were trying to get offline with the other couple that had returned to their home the night before. Hubby said he was heading inside for some lovin makin with me, SHE said, "Think of me". Seriously! She said Think of me. Now my reaction in my head was "Why? I want my husband to enjoy himself." And I know for a fact my husband had some sort of equally biting commenting, we think alike. Instead he politely told her that he wouldn't be able to cause he'd have his hands full of me. Nice safe comeback. But are we really doing her any favor by not being honest with them? I have no interest in ever having another go round with them in a sexual capacity. As people, well they get along great with Hubby.. And I like her as a young friend. But her maturity level is so evident in the bold stories she tells for attention. I'm dying to call her bluff. Am I a better person for not saying anything, or am I not helping it any by not trying to at least teach her some things. What I can't understand is why in God's name my husband has any interest in having another go with her. He keeps saying he thinks its just cause we were all drunk. But they were at our house for 2 days! I left part of the day on Sunday and went with permission to all of them for a threesome without me. NOTHING HAPPENED.
Whew.....
I will probably just delete this post eventually, cause I'm really NOT the type of person who wants to hurt others. But the rant isnt gone, I'm not over it. I had wonderful sex with my husband last night. We played, we plowed. And still.. I'm upset about the whole 4 some situation from this weekend. I think I just need an attentive woman. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

 
Dream Sequence....
The lair was underground, the walls were of the blackest cave and above a ceiling sloping and dripping with crags of inky stone. Something was going to happen. My consort and I, my King and I were waiting for a specific moment of power when we would rise above ground and bring chaos before us. He and I were equals, with a deep respect for each other's power and abilities. We loved what each other was. In excitement I began to reach for him to draw him up with me to the world waiting. And he began to change, from the beautiful man I was bonded with, to the dark creature I held in fear and adoration. Feeling a surge of power I reached for him and his razor fangs sunk into my arm. I drew back remembering my place was beside him, not leading him. He pulled me into his wiry hairy arms, and while his face was that of a monster the voice was that of the other half of my power. "We go"... and we began to ascend only to be blocked by a pressure in the air surrounding us. I began to cry out in rage that something would dare try to hold us back. When he quieted me with a look, his black eyes filled with heat. Now wasnt the time for rising, it was the time for mating, for spawning, for giving my body to his to create the most powerful of magics, life. He tumbled me, crushing his body against mine into the coverlet over the hay...... And he howled.. ripped open my black gown.....
And I woke up...
I wonder.. is it possible to dream of past lives? Is it possible that in a past life I was a sorceress of incredible dark power with a half man as my king? Or have I been watching Van Helsing too often?

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
 
EARLY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
Okay, so I've come out of the closet regarding the fact that hubby and I are swingers. I wanted to keep this as clean a blog as I can because I think my baby sister reads it from time to time. But, baby sister is married and getting her Master's Degree, so I think she can handle the truth.
And the truth is.. My husband is taking our swinging experiences to a new height.. approx 3-4 feet off the floor. He bought us a swing, yes a sex swing. And I look forward to many new adventures in swinging.. and promise not to repeat my birthday debauchle...well.. I hope not. Wish me luck.. I promise not to leave you "hanging" with details.

PS.. he also bought me a rabbit.. and I'm not thinking it's the kind I have to keep in a cage and clean pellets up after. Though it will find a special place in a special drawer and will be cleaned regularly.

PPS... yes... the posting on the 27th of September.. "Dont ask".. It was a bit of a white lie in an effort to keep it family readable. The occurance really did happen.. Just the reason for us being there was fibbed on. The friend and the swing he came with were my hubby's b-day gift to me. Really ladies.. how can you ask for anything better than a hubby with awesome b-day plans.

 
Click.... Click...click..click.clickclickcickclicklcklkckckclkclkclckcl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am here, I am alive and I am full of stuff to blog about..
Blogger, however, has been hating me for the past week or more. I click on the icon for Blogger in my favorites file... It pops up the header and freezes for a minute.. then goes to the dashboard, where I click again to get to this blog..waiting...waiting...waiting...waiting....
Then my posts page where I click to create a new entry...and I wait.. and wait.. and wait.. and click again on the new post button.. and wait.. and click and wait and click.. and Okay! FUCK the waiting... Click like I've got a serious case of the jitters....
So what I dont get... Why cant the site/computer remember and recognize that I want to click and get to a place I've been to multiple times. BUT.. it will remember that I clicked 15 times in rapid succession in the same place and it WILL remember every click and where it would have taken me so that instead of being on my posting page I end up on some holisitic medicine page of some lady in France. *sigh*.. back to the favorites tool bar. Click..... Click.... Click...........

Tuesday, November 16, 2004
 
Who needs Donna Karen.. My purse is happy!!
Let me first explain.. I am Bi, my husband and I are swingers to an extent. And I do have girlfriends that I am allowed to play with on a regular basis even without hubby in tow. So last night when a girlfriend called and said she needed to get out of the house for a bit for a drink I made plans to hang with her. Now from the sound of the phone call, she just needed a friend, which I am completely capable of handling. But I did need a shower. Hubby told me not to forget to shave.. I told him it wasnt that kind of visit. But then began thinking.. what if I could get her in the back seat for awhile. Just in case.. I shaved and packed a small friendly sized Vibrator in my purse. Well, it was just drinks with a girlfriend. Again, perfectly acceptable. I like my friends for more than play partners. However, by the time I got home last night I was exhausted.. and waking up this morning was a blur of throwing on clothes and running for the door. So imagine my shock when at work, while rummaging through my purse for a lighter I thought my phone had gone off, but the fact is.. my phone was on my desk.. and my purse.. was still vibrating. Thank GOD I dont work retail and have to endure a bag check at the end of the night.

Monday, November 15, 2004
 
I ain't gotta...
I've felt bad lately about not blogging more.. There really is plenty to write about, but the driving need to spell it all out hasn't been there lately. There's the guy at the bus-stop who kept taking the free porn ad hand outs, tearing them in pieces and using them as confetti to decorate his area. There's my friend at karaoke who recently had a run in with a man who had NO clue how to take a hint, nor an outright refusal. There's the extremely heated card game Hubby and I had with good friends last night that had me in the throes of Tourettes.. and a numerous variety of other little tidbits. But nothing really seems funny enough.. or interesting enough. And while in the past that has never stopped me before, the energy to embellish and expound just is not present. So, while I wait ever so patiently for my juices to kick back in.. Check out the blogs I have saved in my favorites folder...
PS.. I know I could just link them.. but I'm looking at a remodel soon and don't feel like doing then re-doing... Hmmm... Anyone else heard of the lazy bug biting lately?

http://atasteofthegoodwife.blogspot.com/
Stories to make you wet at work.. read those with caution.. But interspersed with wonderful little real life questions and happenings that make you giggle.
http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/
The ONLY Mistress I have ever come in contact with. And such an intelligent person on life and love and paddles and electricity. A must read even for a vanilla.
http://qtdiary.blogspot.com/
So perhaps it isn't real, there are plenty of attepts to expose it as fraud, but if it is.. how kick ass would it be?

Friday, November 12, 2004
 
"You were always on my mind... You were always on my mind......."
You know those songs.. the ones that take deep root in your head and while you may know why they have you still wish they hadn't? A couple of times a week I join my favorite Karoake Host and enjoy various renditions of the DJ's favorite songs. So holding on the phone with a company last week I began to sing along to "Close to you".. Out loud.. with boss in my office. Except my DJ puts his own spin on the song, which is what gets stuck in my head... "Just like me, they long to be, close to yo' ass, yo ass"... "Follow yo ass.. all over town".

Thursday, November 11, 2004
 
Audrey Hepburn kind of day.....
I've had the "Mean Red's" the past couple of days.. all which peaked full blown yesterday. And now I am okay.. Didn't quite take a trip to Tiffany's to make it all okay.. but it did take a hormonal blow up at hubby and a kick ass game of scrabble.




Saturday, November 06, 2004
 
Quickie...Almost
I will tell ya'll how the Bad Girl Holiday went a bit later... And it has turned into more of an "Observations at the Bar" type piece...
But for now... Hubby came home!! I was all worried cause I hadn't heard from him in 5 days then he calls me from Dallas Friday afternoon and says I get to pick him up from the airport at 5!! I'm not dressed for airport arrival. Fridays are jeans and t-shirts at work.. And a Friday AFTER a Thursday of karaoke.. Well.. That's jeans, t-shirt, hair in ponytail and no make-up Friday. But I did meet him in the airport. And in an attempt to detract from the fact that I wasn't all dressed up for him, I was at HIS baggage carousel with a luggage cart already procured. I find out he has spent his last 2 days in Germany... Partying!... At a Hip Hop club. Now my hubby is pure redneck, North Carolina type. So for his to attend a dance club who's catch phrase is "Bounce Dat Azz Black Muzak", is a wild idea in itself. But I guess he did, and he had a great time. So I brought him home and gave him a present. A non-requested, unexpected, and extremely elusive Shower BJ! I missed him. And since I'm currently under some specific medical restrictions.. I took care of him the best way I could. And ladies, you know you've done something right when his reaction is, " Yes, baby. Whatever you are going to ask me for, Yes you can have it". So, we went out to eat dinner... Skipped Karoake.. Bought a couple of movies, came home and watched one.. And then I curled up in bed next to the wonderful body of my warm cuddly husband.
In conclusion, the stress time is over.. And at least if I end up hiding in a cabinet it wont be because he's gone.

Thursday, November 04, 2004
 
PS....
Oatmeal & Hot Cocoa.. Good breakfast idea.
Chips and Salsa 15 minutes after breakfast.... Not so good idea.
Rootbeer to get rid of the cocoa salsa taste you keep burping... Use your frickin brain first!!!!!!

God I need some breathmints!

 
Bad Girl Holiday Alert!!!
My official Bad Girl Day Calender has announced that today is a Holiday. And not just any holiday.. but what I believe is going to become my favorite holiday of all times. Mischief Night!! It says England, but I'm not going to check out nor ask for authenticity of this holiday from anyone in England..
1) I dont know anyone in England.
2) Dont wanna take the chance that this is a false holiday and there-by have to forgo all the fun I plan on having this evening...
The calender suggests I pick out an alias for myself this evening.. And I'm trying to put some serious thought into it. I've heard your porn star name is supposed to be your middle name, and the name of the street you grew up on as a child. But there is nothing remotely bad girlish about those names.. So.. I've come up with a few on my own. I shall try them all and let you know the reactions I get.
Mind you.. I am married. I am not going to do anything that will end my marriage. I know my boundaries and limits that my hubby and I have agreed upon and I will stay within those limits..
Now then... My aliases this evening shall be..

Cherry Poppins

Stacey Nine

Crandal Robberts


Wish me luck!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004
 
Duu...uhhh...
Blog.. blog..blogblogblog...
Nope.. I got nuthin..
I did however get my daughter home and fed, got the living room, my room and the kitchen cleaned. Laundry is pretty much all done and I still was able to squeeze in a bit of time to pleasure myself with one of the toys my hubby purchased online and had sent to me on his last trip out of town.
So.. I guess this day wasn't all wasted.

Monday, November 01, 2004
 
Be fore-warned....
Hubby has been shipped off for a few weeks. Which means... I am playing full time single mom, right in the middle of PMS time.. I can't sleep when he's not home, so the TV is on all night, so I am awake most of the night. The washing maching is stopping in the middle of spin cycles without draining the water. The tub in the bathroom has begun a rather consistant drip. The toilet in the kids bathroom is constantly running. The timer on my sprinklers is off so it ran 30 minutes this morning. Now mind you.. these were all problems when he was home, it's just now that he's gone they seem to become huge dilemas that I must deal with. And I end up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor at least once a week pretending that if I can't see anyone, they can't see me.
So, um... If I'm not around for a few days.. can someone please come over to my house and make sure I haven't crawled into a cabinet and gotten myself stuck?


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